Have you ever noticed that your mind constantly jumps to the worst case scenario with a number of things?
You send a text message and then have to check to make sure you sound fun or polite. Your friend hasn’t shown up yet at the time they said they would and you imagine they’ve been in an accident. You have a headache for a few days and you’re convinced it’s a tumour.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
A lot of people live with a mind that is on the lookout for danger. And while on the one hand, it’s great if there is actually something dangerous, over time this gets exhausting. Your thoughts keep you in a constant chokehold of ‘What ifs…’
Why does our mind do this?
Your mind is not your enemy. It is, believe it or not, trying to protect you. If you think back to early caveperson days, our ancestors had to be vigilant about threats to help them survive. They had to pay attention to danger. But these days, while we are not trying to evade predators, our minds begin to treat uncertainty, embarrassment, rejection, illness or failure as threats that need to be monitored.
The mind can be like an overly helpful friend or relative always watching out for you in the hope that it can prevent bad things happening. But this kind of worrying rarely helps us or gives us any kind of certainty. Instead, it takes us away from the life we are living in the here and now.
The Trap of Seeking Certainty
When our minds predict the worst-case scenario, it’s only natural for us to seek reassurance. No one wants that to happen because it would be distressing and painful. The things we do to avoid the pain of uncertain might include:
Seek reassurance from loved ones
Replay conversations or scenarios over and over
Google symptoms repeatedly
Ask AI for reassurance
Plan for every possible outcome
Avoid situations that feel uncertain or unpredictable
In the short term, these strategies work. They provide us with some relief.
But what they also do is teach our brains that uncertainty is a threat which means the next time there is something uncertain, the brain is likely to react even more quickly. Over time, our lives become smaller and we spend more energy trying to prevent discomfort than engaging in what really matters to us.
Is There a Way to Get my Mind to Shut Up?
Unfortunately, there is no way to get your mind to shut up completely. And realistically, you don’t want it to. One of the core ideas in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is that we don’t need to get rid of all our difficult thoughts in order to live a meaningful life.
Instead of asking ‘How do I stop these thoughts?’ ask ourselves, ‘What if I treated my thoughts as just thoughts and not facts?’
Our minds generate millions of thoughts each day. Some are helpful. Some are not. You get to choose which ones to pay attention to.
Learning to notice your thoughts is the first step. It helps you create space to choose.
For instance,
The thought:
My partner must be in a car accident.
And noticing it would look like:
I’m having the thought that my partner must be in a car accident.
I encourage you to try that with any sticky thought right now and see what happens. Hopefully, you notice a subtle shift. A bit of space.
The goal isn’t to convince yourself everything will be fine. You don’t actually know. The goal is to recognise that thoughts are mental events and not guarantees about our future.
Making Room for Discomfort
Uncertainty brings up a lot of discomfort. And yet, no amount of worrying or planning can bring certainty in the long term. In ACT, we try to build our capacity to handle uncertainty rather than trying to eliminate it.
What this involves is being willing to have the discomfort that comes with uncertainty. Acknowledge it and allow it to be there while you focus your energy on the life you want to live.
Doing What Matters
When your mind begins catastrophising, ask yourself this:
What is my mind trying to protect me from right now?
Is buying into this thought helping me move towards the kind of person I want to be?
If not, am I willing to make room for the discomfort in service of that life?
This won’t make your anxiety go away but it will help you refocus on what matters to you. That could be connecting with your friends or family, engaging in something creative, being present with your children, or just enjoying a walk in nature.
Moving forward
Just because your mind thinks about worst case scenarios doesn’t mean you’re broken or you’re doing life wrong. It just means your mind is working really hard to keep you safe, like an overprotective parent.
But you also don’t have to wait to live your life until your mind winds down.
You can learn to carry these thoughts lightly and live the life you want.