We all experience anxiety at some point in our lives. It’s usually about things that haven’t happened yet. It might be the 'what ifs’ about a new relationship we have started. Or the tightness in our chest and butterflies in our tummy before that big presentation at work. Sometimes, it’s the spiralling of thoughts from one thing to the next and next after the world, and all things out of our control.
Anxiety can sometimes be useful – the worry about messing up our presentation can help us practice in the lead-up. But there are other times, it can become overwhelming and keep us stuck either by avoiding the thing making us anxious or completely freezing.
But I have good news for you – anxiety does not have to keep you stuck.
It is helpful to understand anxiety to begin with. Anxiety has cognitive, physiological and behavioural components.
Cognitively, we tend to have the ‘what ifs’ or the worries. They can be worst-case scenarios, thinking you are responsible for things going wrong, self-critical thoughts, extremely high standards, or all the catastrophic things.
Physiologically, we will experience the fight-or-flight-freeze response, which includes a racing heart, tight chest, adrenaline running through our body, lightheadedness and dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, sweatiness and tense muscles. This is regardless of what the perceived threat is.
Finally, behaviourally, when we feel anxious, we have the urge to flee or fight. What this can look like are patterns such as avoiding the feared and anxiety-provoking situations, procrastinating, using safety behaviours (e.g. alcohol, drugs, vaping, phones), reassurance-seeking behaviours, striving above and beyond, trying hard to be perfect.
While you may engage in the above patterns of behaviours, and you might experience the physiological and cognitive symptoms, there are ways to get unstuck and live the life you want, without anxiety dictating the terms.
So how do we do that?
1. Mindful awareness or Noticing: Start by noticing your anxious thoughts and body sensations without judging them, without trying to change them.
2. Acknowledge that these thoughts are something your mind does, especially when it perceives something to be a threat. You can thank your mind for protecting you or treat what it’s saying like an overly helpful friend.
3. Be willing to have the emotion without fighting it. Be curious and acknowledge that it’s a normal human response.
4. Take small steps and gradually open yourself up to the feared situations and discomfort by linking it with why that matters to you. Through the behavioural experiences, your brain will gradually learn you can cope in these difficult situations.
5. If anxiety is intense, you may need grounding techniques or distress tolerance techniques to help you before doing what matters.
Bottom line, anxiety may be uncomfortable, but it does not have to stop you from living your life. While change doesn’t happen overnight, it is possible to move forward towards the type of life you want to live. Start small and build from there. Anxiety may be part of your experience but it does not have to be your whole story.
If your anxiety feels overwhelming, do feel free to reach out for individual psychological support.